Saturday, 29 June 2013

Wrong Kind of Thirsty.

So I came across this really awkward but extremely funny story that happened years ago.

About a man who on one of those days when men tend to feel extremely falsely fly, decided that he'd join one of those sites where people enter to meet other people, of opposite sex, in order to eventually have coitus - a word by far milder than it's 3-lettered cousin.

So anyway he joined the dating site, advertised himself and what he needed - we all know what that is, so it's no point trying to explain, besides, this isn't He later got replied by 5 different women, each of which he planned a seperate rendezvous day with - talk about 'falling' into some luck?? No??

Wait.. I kinda forgot an extremely important part of the story - the said man was a married man - in other words, his wife became insufficient or inadequate for his new found lustful desires.

Unfortunately for him, lucky for the wife, she found out his seeming perfectly clandestine plan and then she made a call to the women her husband had planned to meet up with, and we all know what happens when women come together to make a man's life miserable, right? If you don't know, well, allow me to prescribe to you a movie - John Tucker Must Die - Men, watch that and learn why you shouldn't mess with women. Women, watch that and learn what to do when a man messes with you. Lol. Pardon my digression.

So one of the women from the dating site called the man and asked him to meet her up at some motel or something, he was probably thinking Christmas came early. He got there, made himself comfortable, he had probably taken off any trace of civilization he had on and was already beginning to imagine things. But then, trouble reared it's... or in this case, 'her' ugly head in the form of another one of the women from the same dating site. I don't know how best to explain what happened next, so I'm just going to skip that part.

Minutes or hours later, the man was in a hospital, precisely the surgery room trying to seperate his man-part from his stomach. Apparently, the women, stealthy as they were, had glued the man's penis to his stomach, how cruel. I don't even want to imagine what it felt like.
Well, maybe he deserved it. This is a true story though, I wonder if the man still has the scars, so that anytime he takes a bath he remembers when his penis was glued to his stomach, because he was thirsty, the wrong kind of thirsty.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Thursday, 27 June 2013

Politics and English Language.

I was recently going through a summary of George Orwell's essay POLITICS AND ENGLISH LANGUAGE where he discussed language and writing. He discussed what he felt was wrong with how the language - English is being used. He pointed out two 'weaknesses', the second of which is what I'm more interested in - lack of precision - using too many 'big' words to describe something you can with smaller, more precise, simple everyday words. A lot of people are guilty of this, including myself. We just want to speak with big words, maybe we think it'll make us look smart or intelligent.

These two passages were carefully examined in the essay, from the bible and reads:
"I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all".
Simple and concise and understandable. Now here is the same passage but in a style often used by an educated person in the twenty first century:
"Objective consideration of contemporary phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account"
The second passage is unnecessarily 'wordy' and 'abstract'; it's meaning is less direct - but it is, unfortunately, the sort of writing likely to be found nowadays.
The first passage contains forty-nine words but only sixty syllables, the second contains forty-eight words and ninety syllables.

We like big words, we know we do, but big words don't always make for good english, concise and consistent is the way to go.

Orwell concludes his essay by providing some rules, below:
1. Never use metaphor, smilie or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
3. If it is possible to cut a word out, cut it out.
4. Never use the passive where you can use the active (an example of the passive: 'I was knocked down by a bus', the active: 'a bus knocked me down').
5. Never use a foreign word, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday english equivalent.
6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

Even though the essay was written in 1946, we still find a lot of what Orwell speaks about occurring.

**Parts curled from George Orwell's 'Politics and English language'**

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Anger with A Tribute to The King

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: For every minute you're angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.

Anger is corrosive, having rage withing you kills. But fortunately, anger is a choice. You can choose either to get angry about something or to just let it go.

If you let anger consume you, then you let the door open for regret to come in.
A person almost always regrets any action he makes in anger, this is why we need to let go of anger, of rage, of regret.

Moving on:
Rest in Peace to the King of pop. He died exactly four years ago. June 25, 2009, We lost arguably the greatest musician that will ever grace the earth!!
Legends never die..

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Monday, 24 June 2013

Big Trouble!

I honestly have nothing against polygamy - a man having more than one wife. I see nothing wrong with it as long as one of your wives isn't taking your picture to a witch doctor, a man with a red scarf and one of his eyes partially covered with talcum powder, who will eventually soak the picture in boiling water and ask the wife to call your name thrice, stabbing the picture each time, meanwhile you suddenly start feeling a burning sensation all over your body and then you painfully realize that your belly is leaking blood, you're dying/dead..
As long as that hasn't happened a polygamist is cool.

What I have a problem with, is when a partially employed person, who can barely afford to feed himself and another decides in his obvious 'wisdom ad infinitum' that his one wife - who perhaps already has 4 children bearing his name next to theirs, is no longer enough for him, can no longer satisfy him. *insert BIG trouble**

How do you take care of two wives when you can hardly take good care of yourself?? Emphasis on 'good'. And those two wives will eventually bear your offsprings, say, eight, they will all be educated, be clothed, be fed, be sheltered - they will all want to be treated as every other child, not minding the fact that their father makes money that can hardly even take care of a sick laboratory animal.

When men have their two eyes wide open and do things that seem like they have them wide shut.
That is for the men doing crazy stuff, honestly y'all need to stop. If you're not bloody rich, with a ridiculously fat pocket, don't get a second wife. Even if you are bloody rich, with a ridiculously fat pocket, don't get a second wife, because, although your first wife may say she's cool with it, but she really isn't. Unless you want a practical example of that first paragraph, don't do it.

Now, I've always wondered why some women decide to act like they are... Please wait while I search for a perfect word... Stupid?? No, stupid isn't even almost good enough, but I'll manage.
You know how very, very, extremely poor he is (I know it's tautological, just let me make my point). You know he cannot afford to feed himself well, you know you feed him sometimes. You also know he already has a wife at home, and you still decide in your obvious 'stupidity ad infinitum' to be his wife, to be his second wife.

What really do you expect? For a miracle to happen? For him to become a millionaire just after you enter into his house, with a snap of your finger? For him to love you more than his first wife so you can help in throwing out her baggage on the streets?? Is that what you think will happen? If that's what you think, then you have quite an imagination and I will gladly hire you to chair my dream company. And then, at the end of the day, you have the audacity to complain that your husband does not love you and that he is planning to bring in a third wife and that your children are suffering, they're not in school, they're hungry. See, you haven't seen anything yet.

So I just felt like ranting about polygamists, especially the poor ones. Thank you for reading my rant.
Back to the witch doctor and your picture, No??

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Friday, 21 June 2013

A Work in Progress

It's the 21st day of June, and it's not just another day. It's my birthday, and I am thankful. I am thankful not just because it's my birthday but also because I can say I have experienced things that others my age will find scary to say the least.

I have stared death in the face more than a couple of times. But still I am here. I am grateful to God for loving me, because I know he does, he loves me. My life is a testimony.

I know I am not where I could be, but also, at the same time, I know how far away I am from where I used to be. I am a gorgeous work in progress. The unfinished work that the sculptor brags about.

Life plays it's own drum beats, you can choose to dance to it, or, you can choose to superimpose life's sound with the sound you desire. It's all about perception.

I am on my way, I know that, more than anything else. I know it's only a matter of time before the sculptor completes his work.

Thank you Lord for loving me..

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Monday, 17 June 2013

When Evil Becomes Cool.

It's amazing how all of the things we referred to as 'very very bad' back when we were little kids growing up have all of a sudden become 'cool'.

It seems as if the definition of good and evil evolves and metamorphose as one grows older. We tend to see things a tad differently.

For some reason, evil is not evil anymore. Bad is not really as bad anymore. Life deals with us such that all our little rantings about what we want the world to be like becomes nothing but childish naivety.

Right now I'm wondering to myself. "where is this coming from? Am I making this up??"
But thinking about it, I really am not.

If memory serves me correct, we learnt about drug addiction in grade 4 at 'social studies', the oldest of us in my school then couldn't have been more than 11years old. We all found it crazy that someone will actually overuse drugs. It just didn't make any sense. It was stupid.
But fast forward 10 years letter. Is it still stupid?? You are not a cool person in this day and age if you're not hooked on drugs or if you're not an alcoholic or a party animal or one kind of narcotic or another. All you are is boring.

What do we see on TV everyday when we put it on? What does the internet preach to us?
Seriously, what is the 21st century turning us into??

I'm at rest though. You see, when we were kids, we were saints. But fact is, you can't be a saint all your life. Life offers us way too much.

I fear for the growing kids. The teenagers. These people see things, they get curious and a child is never content until he satisfies his curiousity. And you may think he has no idea where or how to satisfy them but remember he has peers. That's what their there for. That's what peer pressure is.

I am at rest because life itself doesn't force anything on anyone. We have a choice. We always have a choice.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Friday, 14 June 2013

Little Girls for Sale!

The stats are crazy frightening. 1 out of 9 girls in developing countries will get married before 15. I read about a girl, 17, she was stoned to death for refusing to marry a man. A man who was old enough to be her grandfather.

It's heart breaking to imagine that these families sell off their little daughters like farm animals, to the highest bidders, just to make themselves a few buck.
In Niger, stats show that 75% of girls are married before they turn 18. In Bangladesh it's 66% and in Chad and The Central African Republic it's 68%.
14.2 million girls annually and 39000 daily are forced into extremely early marriage.

In some countries in the middle east, Saudi Arabia for example, I learnt there isn't even a minimum age for marriage, therefore, poor parents can easily sell off their daughters at any age they want. In Iran the minimum marrying age is 13, in Yemen it's 15.

Child Marriages exposes girls to all manner of danger including maternal mortality - You can imagine a 15 year old child conceiving and trying to bring a new baby into the world. A baby giving birth to a baby.

I'd say the best defence against this is an education. But that's another problem. If people see their daughters as commodities that they'd sell off eventually they will not bother taking that daughter to school, would they?? It therefore borders on the readiness of the government in these nations to make education free and compulsory for every one.

We also have to keep drumming into their ears, how pathetic the concept of child marriage is, maybe just maybe we can stop it. And I am in!
A girl is just as useful as a boy, if not more.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Thursday, 13 June 2013

30 truth!

Yea. Hi. So I found these 30 questions somewhere and I thought it'd be fun to try and answer them, here.

1.When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

- What does the future hold??

2.How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
- emm. A thousand and five hundred naira, about $11. I think.

3.What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

- More??

4.Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cellphone?

- Judith.

5.What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

- I don't know, The Nokia tone? Lol!

6.What are you wearing right now?
- Black shirt, White 3/4short.

7.Do you label yourself?

- Not really.

8.Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?
- I have no idea.

9.Bright or Dark Room?
- Dark Room.

10.What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

- A Great blogger that blogs alot about her personal life.

11.What does your watch look like?

- Black leather, Gold frame, Dior, and as old as time itself.

12.What were you doing at midnight last night?
- Sleeping. Deservedly.

13.What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"Inform the brick layer that the windows should be 6ft. If practicable".

14.What's a word that you say a lot?
- Damn. I think.

15.Who told you he/she loved you last? (please exclude spouse, family, children)

- A friend on christmas day, last year.

16. Last furry thing you touched?
- My dog.

17.Favourite age you have been so far?

- Current age. I've had more time for myself.

18.What was the last thing you said to someone?

- "Oh really?"

19.The last song you listened to?
- Rihanna - Stay.

20.Where did you live in 1987?

- In heaven!

21.Are you jealous of anyone?

- No. Absolutely not.

22.Is anyone jealous of you?
- I don't know. Maybe.

23.Name three things that you have on you at all times?

- My glasses, My wallet, My cell.

24.What’s your favourite town/city?
- I've never really lived there, buh I kinna like Lagos, Nigeria.

25.When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
- I've never mailed a letter before. Yea I know, what planet am I on, right?

26.Can you change the oil on a car?
- Unfortunately, No.

27.Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
- I'm not gonna say her name, cos she might be reading this. And ya, the last I heard was She's alive.

28.Does anything hurt on your body right now?
- No!

29.What is your current desktop picture?

- A picture of my family.

30. Have you been burnt by love?

- Lol! Nah. Not yet. And I hope never.

That's it. This is my 100th post by the way. Thank you all for consistently reading my thoughts. Love all y'all.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Misuse of Power.

Is it just me, It can't be just me, can it?? Does it happen in just this part of the world or is it a global phenomenom??

Here, let me explain what I'm talking about.

The blatant misuse of Power by petty officials. This is what happened.

So I wanted to see a man, he was more or less an uncle, I just wanted to see him cos I had not seen him in a while. He used to lecture in my former school but he left for greener pastures, and he found it, or well, I think he did. At least he now had a secretary.

At first, when I entered into the secretary's office I felt she was really pretty, in her late 20s, so I said "hi" and told her who I wanted to see.

And then she looked at me weird. If looks could kill, I'd be dead.
"Why? What do you want to see him for?" She inquired angrily, like she had a serious bone to pick with me. I had never seen her before, I didn't know her, so I wondered what she was so angry about. "Answer me now" she continued, "I said, What do you want? Why are you here?" she raised her voice.

If something like this had happened last year or the year before that, or the year before that, or all the years before, I'd probably have walked away, as she looked viciously stern, but I am a different person now - proud to say. So I confronted her, "look ma, there is no need for you to be so strict, I don't know you, I don't have a problem with you, I just want to see Dr. Audu". And then it seemed as if she got even angrier by my statements, "oh you want to fight me? Is that what you come to do?"

At this point, I felt the lady was probably lost. And had serious issue. And Looking for who to pick a bone with. "It's not gonna be me" I thought, as I began to retreat - it felt like the mature thing to do.

Just then, the man came out of his office, he had been in there all the while, he saw me, I greeted him and he invited him inside, to the disdain and disgust of the pretty secretary lady. I still felt she was pretty, only now, I felt God could have given the beauty to someone else who deserved it. Turns out the man did not hear any of the conversation I had with his secretary, and he was just going out when I saw him.

On my way home I started wondering why the lady was so hostile, but I realised, it's not just her, most secretaries and other petty officials are usually angry people that give visitors a hard time. I can point out several occasions when this has happened.
It's usually the people with post or offices that are of little or no importance that make things difficult and complicated, I always wonder why. But I will probably never understand.

So that's it, that's all I've got to say about that.
By the way guys, you can follow me on twitter here and join me on facebook here

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Friday, 7 June 2013


"Live authentically. Why would you continue to compromise something that's beautiful to create something that is fake?" -Steve Maraboli.

Life's too short to be fake - simple.
Being fake is exhausting, isn't it?? How easy is it to consistently live a life that is not you. To consistently try to be something that you're not. I'd say it's pretty damn hard, exhausting and zany.

A person is most beautiful when he or she's himself, You are unique there's nobody else in the world like you. Why on earth will you want to change that?? Everyone is created to be different that difference is what makes us special. Therefore trying to be someone else makes you ordinary.

You can only become the person you want to be by being the best version of the person you are. So do not strive to be the perfect person, strive to be the perfect you.

Trying to be some other 'perfect' person, even though you succeed, only makes you another version of that person. The uniqueness disappears, you are no longer you. You are now a seperate version of that other person, a photocopy.

Why would you want to be a photocopy when you are awesome at being you?? Think about this..
Have a thrilling weekend!

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

It's a Miracle.

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
" - Bill Cosby

It's good to be back blogging after my EXTREMELY LONG 4 days hiatus. It was excruciatingly long, I'll tell you that. But I needed that time though, I needed sometime to catch up with myself after the May Blogging Challenge which I participated in, It was more of a 'biography of me' kind of thing and I thoroughly enjoyed it and I'll do it again and again, if the opportunity arises.
Lol. That's a joke, I can't, at least not anytime soon. It can be quite difficult to consistently come up with something sensible for 30 odd days, you know.
However, it's really fun and a good way to get to know a little about a lot.

So anyway, today I'd like to talk about something God has blessed the world with - Laughter. If you take a couple of seconds to imagine what life will be like without laughter, then you'll understand why laughter is such a miracle. And perhaps more important than gold or crude oil or whatever.
Think of Everyone walking around with a frown. Man would probably not have any need for teeth.

Just imagine one of the 5 or 6 year old kids you know that have no visible teeth cos they've lost them.

Now think of what life will look like if every single human being on earth is looking like that kid.
Not a pretty thought, No?? I didn't think so. Pardon my digression.

Life throws us bricks, that's a fact but laughter is the pillow we need to minimize the effect of that brick on us. It's a buffer, it deadens the impact of the tantrums of life.

It works practically, it's like smiling at someone who is trying to hurt you. It shows that you are winning. We should therefore all learn to laugh, each and every single one of us at every giving opportunity.

People say laughter is the best medicine, but I do not agree, laughter isn't a medicine, it's a miracle, it's a miracle that immaculates us from hurt. Therefore live your life laughing and enjoying life's cheapest miracle.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!